the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
