Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
