He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
