Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
