I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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