Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
