i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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