Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize