fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
The adults are the big ones right?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
