His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
