I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
