Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
