1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
