the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
