Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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