I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
