Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
false alarm, still single
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
