I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
