You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I queefed so loud it echoed.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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