Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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