weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
