I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Randomize