Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
