Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
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