Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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