i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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