dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
