I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
