My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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