I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
