She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
