Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
