i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
