The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
