Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just gargled with NyQuil
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize