walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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