I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
