Moan for me like Helen Keller
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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