That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
