Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
