The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
