Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
