There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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