i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
