there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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