dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
