I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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