he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
