they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize