I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
