I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Ladies don't puke and tell
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
