I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
