Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
