she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
