yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
