She's JV to your varsity
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
