i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
