im about as happy as oj after his trial
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Bring me that man meat
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize