Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
