i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
