Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
