He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
