i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i just sent this text using only my big toe
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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