the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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