It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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