Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize