god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
