i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
