i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
