For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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