Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
