Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Randomize
