i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize