He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
