i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
