If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
