He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
