Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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