Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Found the puke drawer
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
