When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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