I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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