Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
