We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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