I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Randomize