a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
