bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize