so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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