I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Randomize
