she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
