We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Tornado booty call.. dedication
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
