i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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