PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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