Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
