I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
