I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
