Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Is Oprah even human
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
