What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
