Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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