Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I need help removing her.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
