I must be too annoying 4 u.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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