Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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