My sheets look like a crime scene.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
