I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
