it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
