you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
