and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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