He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
