I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
